Ape Rape Sounds About Right

I recently got into a facebook “fight” with a few friends that unintentionally got me thinking of this weeks topic.   First the facebook exchange which I think definitely proves that Twisted Sister specifically but 80’s Heavy Metal in general is pretty gay when you think about too hard.

ape rape“Based on an idea from Jowski, Ape Rape the movie. A hardcore film featuring Dee Snider getting raped by multiple apes while Paddington Bear narrates exactly what happens. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN.

Charley McMullen: “Oh, my! It seems as though they’ve twisted his…sister.”
Josh Hadley: Think he would Stay Hungry after that?
Charley McMullen: Yeah. “Actually, children, it seems like he is, in fact, gonna take it.”
Josh Hadley: Be cruel to your Stool?
Charley McMullen: I Wanna Cawk..?
Josh Hadley: Cum Out And Play?
Charley McMullen: You Can’t Stop Cock & Balls.
Josh Hadley: Under the Gayed?
Charley McMullen: Tear it Loose (didn’t even need to change that one!)
Josh Hadley: Love Is For Suckers (didn’t even need to change that one!).
Charley McMullen: Blastin’ Fast & Anal
Josh Hadley :Day of the Cocker
Charley McMullen: “Knife” in the Back
Josh Hadley: The Kids Are (Bare)Back
Alex Jowski: Ape Rape is a spiritual sequel to Dee Snider’s Strangeland
Charley McMullen: Burn(ing sensation) In Hell
Josh Hadley: Lookin’ Out for #1 (didn’t even need to change that one!)
Charley McMullen: feat. R. Kelly
Josh Hadley: The Fire Still Burns (didn’t even need to change that one!)
Charley McMullen: I’ve Had Enough (of Getting Raped by Gorillas)
Josh Hadley: Me and the Boys (didn’t even need to change that one!)
Charley McMullen: I Believe (there’s a gorilla dick) In You
Josh Hadley: Wake Up (The Sleeping Giant) (didn’t even need to change that one!)
Josh Hadley: You know, with all of the ones we didn’t even need to change… did we just prove how gay Twisted Sister’s music actually is?
Charley McMullen: Bleeder of the Pack
Josh Hadley: Bad Boys (of Rock ‘n’ Roll) (didn’t even need to change that one!)
Charley McMullen: Shoot ‘Em Down (’cause they’re still butt-fucking Dee Snider)
Josh Hadley: Ride to Live, Live to Ride (didn’t even need to change that one!)
Charley McMullen: What You Don’t Know (Sure Can Hurt Your Anus)
Josh Hadley: You Are All That I Peed
Charley McMullen: S.M.F. (Serious Monkey fuckin’)
Josh Hadley: In After In (and out)…
Charley McMullen: Heroes Are Hard To Find…Hard
Josh Hadley: Shoot Em Down (my throat)
Charley McMullen: Four Barrel of Monkeys
Josh Hadley: Out on the Sheets
Charley McMullen: [tips king over] Well played, sir.
Josh Hadley: Equally well played Mr McMullen….

ape rape 2I will admit though after a while I ran out of Twisted Sister songs that I knew and I had to start googling some of these but I think we made some good gay jokes here (and frankly it’s a tad disturbing how many we DIDN’T need to even alter to make sound gay).    The point is… why are we so obsessed with gender roles and which gender someone likes to have sex with?  Why is calling someone “gay” or a “fag” still an insult in this day and age?  Have we as a society not gotten over the fact that sex is sex and as long as a minor is not involved it should be a live and let live kind of thing?*  What the hell is wrong with me asking these questions, of course we have not grown as a society and evolved to the point that gender and sexuality is not an issue, just look at the last election for proof of that.

Why can a single week not go by without my reading of how “gay marriage will destroy the very fabric of society” or seeing rabid homophobes like Orson Scott Card playing the victim when they back legislation to penalize homos and then find out that, gee wiz, the public might backlash on them or hell, even just going to ANY, ANY youtube video and not seeing someone calling someone else a fag?  Why is calling someone a faggot still an insult?  Is there actually such stigma today that a man who as sex with a man is a bad thing (and yes, it is usually men called fags, women are dykes, men are fags, that is how things roll in society today).   Why the gay panic today?  Why the rampant and pathological burning hatred of homosexuality in religion?   I don’t get it.

ape rape 3I am not someone who looks at a homosexual in any kind of a different light than I do a heterosexual, to me you all are deserving of my ire.   I hate everyone equally.  I don’t see it worth my time to hate someone due to which gender they prefer to get off with, I should hate them for who they are not, not who they fuck.   I have met many gay people that exemplify the worst aspects of humanity and that are despicable people… because of who they are as a person, not as a gay person.  I have also met many gay people that are bastions of light and some of the kindest and best people on the planet… because of who they are as a person, not as a gay person.  Why hate someone based on something as superficial as what kind of porn they like when if you get to know them you can find so many other, far more legitimate, reasons to hate them based on them?

My personal tastes are for women that look and act like women, femininity is a turn on for me, masculinity is a turn off, so I can accept, understand and even endorse homosexuality if that is what you are into… simple as that.   Is harassing them and making it your life’s work to make them as miserable as you worth it?  To some it is and that is sad. Why do the most ardent homophobes turn out to be the ones that like it in the ass the most?   This is not just an issue with those that hate gays, this is also an issue with the gays that hate straights.  Why is it an insult for you to be called a “fag” but it’s empowering for you to call me a “breeder”?   I know of people in the gay community that don’t see being gay as a sexual preference but as a lifestyle of which the rules must be obeyed.   There are people in the gay community that feel if you don’t wear your gayness on your sleeve and (no pun intended) shove it down peoples throats then you are a self hater.   Guess what?  Those people are just as ignorant and close minded as the people who irrationally hate fags.  It’s true, you don’t get a pass just for being gay, you are just as hate filled as those you claim are hate filled.

ape rape 4


ape rape 5Lets get back to this “fag” thing though.   Why does an argument invariably devolve into someone calling the other a “fag”, even when both participants are straight?   Why does “fag” as a descriptive term still hold the power that it does?   When my small minded haters started to call me “Faggot Josh” I admit that it DID really get to me… for about a week and a half.   After that time though I realized that this was not an issue with me… it was a revealing issue with those using that term.  They were the ones that showed their weaknesses in the first round and they showed that what I was saying was effecting them more than they were comfortable with so they lashed out.   It was not a problem with me, it was a problem with them.  In the early 90’s you saw the gays start to do this as well with them using terms like “dyke” and “fag” to describe themselves.   This was both a bold step and a futile one as it only showed how those terms DID hurt them, otherwise they would not have had to “reclaim” them, you simply played into the hands of the haters all the while you thought you were empowering yourself.  Why is a woman who shows independence seen in society as a “dyke”?   Why is a man that can show emotions a “fag”?   Why do we assign gender roles onto jobs, onto professions, onto people even?  What does it matter that a job is traditionally a mans job or a womans job?

So why does society still give sexual preference and gender identity so much weight today?   Why, even after all I have said here, am I called homophobic for making gay jokes?  No one is allowed to use the term “gay” unless it is ironic?  The Twisted Sister example above shows just how easily Charley and I were able to turn something (arguably) pseudo-masculine in music into something gayer than a purse shooting rainbows with very little effort… does this make Charley and I bad people for doing this? Homophobes? Bashers? Comedians? I will go with the latter as that was our intention.

*Okay, I do have major issues with people that fuck animals but that is an issue with me I guess.

Tell me to shut the fuck up a 1201beyond@gmail.com or contact Alex to fire me at alexjowski@gmail.com